Ian's Movie Reviews
Short Reviews of Movies, Board Games, and Other Stuff

My Worst 5 Movies of 2017

I know some people hate worst of lists, but I find it cathartic in a way.  Its like saying that the things you love aren’t always perfect, and you are okay with that.  Understanding what doesn’t work helps you to appreciate when it does work more.  That said, I didn’t see a whole lot of really bad movies this year, but here are some that just really didn’t work for me.

5. Life

Such a bland venture that really couldn’t keep my attention.  Its easy to call this an Alien rip-off… but there’s a reason its easy to call it that.

4. Chips

Chips is emblematic of what is wrong with today’s modern comedy film.  Its more of a hollow product with name recognition (in form of an old tv show) that lacks any humourous innovation.  They base everything on a lame plot that ends up devolving into a by-the-numbers action climax.  They throw in a few “funny” set-pieces they think will get audiences talking.   In this case its a scene where one of the leads is carrying the other to a bathtub.  Gone are the days when the jokes came naturally from the situations or from the performances.  Gone are the risks.  There’s a formula now, and the studios are just following it ingredient by ingredient.

3. Kong: Skull Island

Speaking of hollow products….  Kong: Skull Island is such a creation of studio meddling, its ridiculous.  Its like they went into the board room after having looked at the clickbait “How to Hack a Hit Blockbuster” and followed it step-by-step.  They have needless characters added in with actors that will appeal to the overseas market; China, more specifically.  They added a bunch of action scenes and CGI shots, very obvious as a response to Godzilla complaints, but they forgot to make them particularly interesting.  They added in a crazy John C. Reillly so they could inject humour into the trailers. They couldn’t even just name it Skull Island; not enough brand recognition.

2. Okja

A Netflix movie from the director of Snowpiercer and The Host, and while I liked both of those films I really disliked this one.  The idea of these Superpigs (which are more like hippos) to bring about social commentary really didn’t work for me.  Tilda Swinton and Jake Gyllenhaal both turn in very bold performances, but in this case bold is not a good thing.  I couldn’t stand suffering through either of their characters. This film was supposed to be poignant, and perhaps for some it was, but I just thought it was kinda dumb.

1. Underworld: Blood Wars

Now here is a film franchise I do not get.  This doesn’t even seem like a film; it feels more like a CW show.  There are actors who are clearly only there to look pretty.  There is a confusing story-line that feels like you’ve joined it in the middle somewhere, and it never really gets pieced together.  There’s no good scenes, or … really nothing compelling about it at all.  And even the basic techniques don’t work.  Visually its incredibly drab and boring.  The editing feels hyperactive.  Its just not an enjoyable time at the movies.

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2 Responses to “My Worst 5 Movies of 2017”

  1. What are your top 10 favorite movies of 2017?


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