Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

You know those movies where its obvious that the filmmakers think that what they’re doing is really cool? That’s Hansel and Gretel. This is such an over-the-top cheesefest but it isn’t able to capture the charm that those films are sometimes able to capture.

This movie fails. It tries so hard to be awesome, but it always falls flat. They try to inter-cut badly filmed action with awkward jerky motion in with ridiculous and out-of-place gore. I mean, its as though there is part of a torture-porn horror movie edited in here at times. There are heads squished, limbs ripped apart… And the apparent joy the filmmakers have in showing us this is incredibly juvenile.. So is the dialogue for that matter. The amount of swear words we get is ridiculous. It reminds me of a teenager who thinks that if he says “fuck” and “bitch” enough times with as much emphasis as possible (without ever using them cleverly or naturally) they will be the coolest kid in the room.

The acting is not good either.  Jeremy Renner is alright, but Gemma Arterton just gives off this vibe of “hey, look at me, I’m acting!” the whole time.  Peter Stormaire is as ridiculous as ever, and Famke Jenson chews the scenery but just not well enough.  To their credit, each of these actors knows the type of movie they’re in, but they still don’t quite match that mood as well as they want to.

Sorry, but a Sam Raimi film this ain’t.

2/10