IanTheCool's Reviews
Short Reviews of Movies, Board Games, and Other Stuff

My Top 5 Worst Films of 2013

Once again, a disclaimer that since I don’t actively seek out bad movies, this is not going to be a definitive list.  Its simply the worst of the movies I’ve seen.  But that said, there were some pretty bad ones this year.  I could have easily made a top ten list for this category if I really wanted to.  Well, on with the show.

Dishonourable Mention: Most Disappointing – Man of Steel

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I rewatched the trailer for Man of Steel the other day.  Damn, if the movie that was promised by that trailer was the movie we got, if would have been amazing.  But that’s not the movie we got.  Instead of having a Superman imbued with meaning and importance, delving into the core of the character, we hardly get to know Superman at all.  Choosing to intersperse flashbacks to childhood was a big mistake, because it didn’t allow us to really spend any time with Clark before getting thrown into the midst of it all.  Its too bad, because this had such potential.

5. Olympus Has Fallen

Olympus-Has-Fallen-Box-Office

Here’s an action film which takes itself way too seriously.  Not a good tone to strike for a silly action movie.  Add in some terrible acting (especially by Dylan McDylan and Melissa Leo) and some awful CGI effects, and this is one bad movie.

4. The Family

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Ugh.  What was the point of this movie?  It wasn’t a serious mob film, nor was it a comedy, yet it tried to be both.  It had stupid subplots for each family member like some sort of TV sitcom, yet also had gory violence.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

3. Upstream Color

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If I take slack for any pick on this list, it’ll likely be this one.  And you can claim that I “didn’t get it” if you want to.  But I got enough of it to realize I don’t care about what’s going on.  But weird science fiction concepts and puzzles aside, the awful relationship between the two unlikable leads was the real problem of this film.

2. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

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I get what they were going for: a so-bad-its-good movie experience.  But even that requires some level of skill to pull off.  This didn’t have even that.  It was the equivalent of a teenager swearing all the time because they think they sound cool.

1. R.I.P.D.

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Ooooooh man, was this bad.  There’s was nothing to take away from this movie.  It got panned for being a Men in Black rip-ff and I know that’s a tired criticism but the shoe fits.  It has no level or originality.  But aside from that the characters are paper thin and badly acted, the “ghosts” are very poorly conceptualized, and visually they are awfully unappealing.  Stay away from this one, stay far, far away.

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8 Responses to “My Top 5 Worst Films of 2013”

  1. Just thinking about “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters” gives me a headache all over again.

  2. The family was hype over nothing!

  3. But… Gemma Arterton is hot… Luckily her terrible accent got me out of this trance she usually gets me in D:

  4. Y’know, I rewatched Man of Steel fairly recently, 3rd time I saw it and I actually liked it much less than I did initially. I LOVED Superman the character (and Henry Cavill) but yeah, I don’t think that’d end up in my Top 10 Best after all. Totally agree w/ The Family though, rubbish through and through. Olympus Has Fallen on the other hand was okay, not good but not horrible. Fortunately I’ve avoided seeing the rest on your list.

  5. Can’t really argue with you about Man of Steel. It’s more frustrating because it had so much potential and just fell apart by the end. Too bad.

  6. Man of Steel trailer were awesome but I agree the movie didn’t live up to its potential.

  7. Although I didn’t make my Top Worst Movies of the Year, I agree that Upstream Color (and the rest of the movies on this list) is just bad.

    Dorian


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